Who comes up with this material?

Near the end of a post talking about a list of 21 Things Women Can Do That Men Can’t April briefly mentions a list of 10 Things That Men Can Do That Women Can’t. Like the list April goes after it pretty much depends on the gender roles that are forced on us based on mostly our biological make up. Here goes.

No.10 – Go Topless
Sure, women can go topless on the beach, but we can do it whenever and wherever we please. Walking down the street? Off. Mowing the lawn? Off. Street ball? Skins. Rollerblading — women can try it, but it might be painful. Still in doubt? What gender do you think is responsible for “No Shirts. No Shoes. No Service.”? Useless nipples and the lack of oversized sweat glands are the reasons for this entry on our list of things only men can do.

1. From what I understand women are free to go topless in many more places than people know.
2. As for the gender responsible its not a matter of gender but a matter of it being those at the top that can’t handle the site of topless women (yes you can argue that most of those at the top are men but those very few do not represent us all so there is no need for the blanket, “Itz teh menz!”).
3a. I don’t know about other guys but my nipples aren’t useless. They are quite useful in the realm of sexual pleasure.
3b. I don’t have a pair but I’m pretty sure there more going on with women’s beasts than sweat.

No.9 – Hold our liquor
Sorry ladies, we’re genetically wired to pack it away a lot better than you. Men produce more of the protective enzyme alcohol dehydrogenase, which breaks down alcohol. This ultimately means that while you’re buzzing off one Cosmo and saying “I love this song” for five songs straight, we can enjoy another two whisky sours and continue to debate whether or not the world can be saved from global warming.

Oh there is so much more to alcohol tolerance than biology. Hell I’ve met women half my size (and I mean that literally, I’m a big guy) that can out drink me. But this does setup the idea that when a woman hurls at the end of the night its shrugged off as being okay she’s just a woman while men that hurl at the end of the night are clowned for not being able to hold their liquor (but without the referencing to being a woman mind you). I have two pieces of advice for drinking tolerance. First learn your body. Learn what you like and don’t like. Learn what you can mix and can’t mix (don’t listen to people trying to tell you catchphrases, you need to learn for yourself what you can and can’t do). Learn your limits and act accordingly (as in knowing when you can cut loose and when you need to cut back). Second stick to your guns. Don’t let anyone talk you into drinking something you know you don’t like or can’t drink. Don’t let anyone talk you into going beyond the limits you are comfortable with. To the devil with peer pressure.

No.8 – Manscape
The playoff beard, the love canal, the Fu Manchu, and the goatee are strictly male innovations, and growing them are things only men can do. Plus we can wear chest, underarm, leg, ear, and nose hair as proudly and loudly as we like. Women? Sure they can imitate our Sasquatch look, but like the Sasquatch, they might limit their survival to a small band of tree huggers, who also share their “natural” beauty.

There are indeed women that can grow facial hair. But here are two forces at work here. A woman that doesn’t shave may her womanhood challenged (because she is “supposed to be” all pretty and hairless right?) and a man doesn’t have facial hair may have his manhood challenged (because a man that doesn’t have facial hair is a “boy/kid/babyface” aka not a “real man”).

No.7 – Navigate spatially
Men are much better at seeing things as they really are — in 3-D. True, the fact that we can see Spy Kids 3-D in focus is no reward, but our superior ability to see shapes also improves our abilities in geometry and math. This explains why more men are math geniuses than women. Sure, the journal Science declared otherwise in 2008 and we are socialized to believe girls are less competent in this realm, but tradition is a hard thing to beat.

Other than the stereotypes surrounding math (boys are good at it and girls are not, and woe be the soul that doesn’t live up to their expectation) I’m not sure what the hell is going on here.

No.6 – Shave our heads
Sure, Natalie Portman, Sigourney Weaver and Demi Moore all sheared their locks for Hollywood, but as a true lifestyle choice in everyday society, guys have mastered the bald top. From Michael Jordan to David Beckham to Samuel L. Jackson guys wear bald better. Still need more proof? Just look at bald Britney. Result: Shaving our heads is something only men can do.

Okay I personally think that men do pull off the bald head better than women but I would not say its something that women simply cannot do. And besides I don’t think my personal opinion should have much bearing on what anyone does for their hairstyle (because your personal opinion isn’t going to stop me and my Fro).

No.5 – Play real sports
Be honest; which of these would you prefer to watch: WNBA or NBA? NHL or women’s hockey? NFL or women’s rugby? MLB or softball? We understand that women play plenty of sports and, yes, they are good athletes, but their sports are a snoozefest to watch. An example, in the WNBA a slam dunk stops the presses, while in the NBA, unless it’s a back reverse through three defenders, it’s just another two points.

That’s a low blow there. Just as men/boys through out the ages have been pushed to partake in sports (even when they don’t want to) women/girls have been pushed out of sports. But soccer (or football depending on where you’re from) is one of the most popular sports in the world and on the World Cup front I really think the American Women’s World Cup team could beat the American Men’s World Cup team. And I the Canadian and American Women’s Olympic Hockey teams from this past Winter Olympics were no joke.

No.4 – Fertilize eggs
Call it mankind, humankind or peoplekind, we have fertilized history. Yes, our swimmers are under siege from early scientific studies that show women can create sperm from their own bone marrow. And of course, studies are also underway to grow babies out of the womb. Are these studies headed by lesbians? Anyway, until our offspring are named 1765A and 1766B, our tadpoles will continue to hit the target.

This is a biological cop out just like women claiming that they can handle pain better than men and then mention childbirth. This is pretty much trying to hold biology over the other gender’s head. But no need to knock the lesbians though.

No.3 – Pee standing up
Full bladder, but there’s a line for the urinal? Just step outside and pee behind a dumpster. On a camping trip? Pee and lean against a tree to steady your flow. While women have to unzip, pull down and crouch before they can go, our process is pretty simple: Find some cover, unzip and go. And if we want to write our name in the snow, we can see exactly what we’re doing.

This is a matter of biology, not gender. The advantage of peeing while standing leans toward people who have penises but all penis carriers aren’t men. And there are products cropping up all the time that allow for those that don’t to do it as well.

No.2 – F*** things
Yep, we can stick ourselves into the middle of things better than anything else. Of course, some of us can do it better than others, but no amount of plastic pegs, rods or mambas can come close to our natural technique.

But those with vaginas can envelope things. And from what I hear it can be quite pleasurable. Well that and there is more to fucking that penises and vaginas. And from what I hear many of those options can be quite pleasurable as well. When you really get to it both men and women can Fuck things. And from what I hear it can be quite pleasurable.

No.1 – Age well
Sorry ladies, all your creams, moisturizers and youth-in-a-bottle remedies have nothing on us. Our male hormones give us thicker skin, which means we get fewer wrinkles and our skin stays younger longer. While women have Joan Rivers to look forward to, we have Sean Connery. Keith Richards? Well, we’ll just count him as a genetic anomaly.

Do you really think that’s true?

Well now stuff like this doesn’t make a good case for “men’s publications” not does it?

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106 Responses to Who comes up with this material?

  1. David K says:

    No.5 – Play real sports

    is there any real reason for gender segregation in professional sports? At least the non-contact ones?
    OK you may argue that the professional sports were devised by men and are more suited to the average man’s biological strengths, therefore less women have suitable body types for basketball, NFL, baseball ect ect but seriously, why not let the women who want to play in the same teams as men, and let the ruthless meritocracy sport sort it out?

    Oh and: “NFL or women’s rugby?”
    HA! everyone in the Rugby Union playing world knows that NFL is a feeble, feminine, body armour wearing, no mud game that involves stopping for a rest every 5 mins! American “Hand-Egg” we sneer, before we hurry up and drink our beer before it gets cold. In the Rugby League playing world of course, real men play League rules and drink their pints with no head on them…

    No.2 – F*** things
    I was more interested that the chose the word “things” but I suppose “F*** people” sounds even worse…

    No.6 – Shave our heads
    Was I the only person who thought Britney actually looked good with her head shaved?

    The Honourable Mention to becoming President is a real low blow… be fair, women were barred from voting and holding public office for the best part of US history it’s not really fighting fair, is it?

    Who comes up with this material? under-paid features writers who need to fill a magazine and “lists” are easy, you just need numbers and stereotypes. Still, not exactly cracked.com is it?
    http://www.cracked.com/article_18571_5-reasons-its-still-not-cool-to-admit-youre-gamer.html

    • April says:

      seriously, why not let the women who want to play in the same teams as men, and let the ruthless meritocracy sport sort it out?

      Agreed. I think it would be much mroe interesting, too. And sure, maybe fewer women than men would be on the teams due to average physical strength, but at least there’s a standard to which both men and women can strive toward.

  2. femspotter says:

    Why not write a serious list?
    1. Get away with rape in 94 percent of cases
    2. Dominate 83 percent of leadership positions in the three US branches of government
    3. Be slightly overweight without shame
    etc.
    I think both lists are full of shit!

    • Danny says:

      Your 3 is bullshit.

    • Melissa says:

      Yeah, fat men are shamed too. They aren’t shamed quite as much as fat women, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t still cultural pressure for men to be thin. And it’s been getting worse recently.

    • femspotter says:

      That’s all you’ve got is “Your 3 is bullshit” after the mention of rape and political domination?

      Not from where I sit. Let’s try living in a world where skinny men grace the covers of 99 percent of magazines. Think about movies like “Grown-ups” and “Couple’s Retreat” where overweight men are portrayed as married to anatomically perfect women. My brother has been fat shamed, but it’s nothing compared to the self-esteem assassination that I’ve been through.

      Here’s some more in no particular order:
      4. In India, you can burn your bride if you don’t like her dowry or if you just want a new wife
      5. In China, you can neglect to care for your female children and choose to spend money on your male child’s health and well being (women can do this too but it’s a function of a misogynist culture)
      6. In Afghanistan, you can be part of a majority of men who physically abuse their wives (90%)
      7. You can conduct legitimate business deals in strip clubs

    • femspotter says:

      BTW – I specifically used the term “slightly overweight” because I do not dismiss the fat shaming of men.

    • Jim says:

      Add to that in both China and India female fetuses are often aborted becasuse familaes want sons instead. (From an environmetal aspect, this is good, from a human dignity apsect this is horrific.) Foreign adoptions in China are usually girls because that’s who gets given up for adoption.

      Misogynist culture – it’s mothers who do the aborting and mothers-in-law who do most of the killing of brides in India, but that really changes the misogyny of the situation not at all.

    • femspotter says:

      “it’s mothers who do the aborting and mothers-in-law who do most of the killing of brides in India”

      Not according to the Kristoff book I’m reading. Where do you get this information? Thanks!

    • Danny says:

      That’s because that’s the one the immediately chimed to me.

      “Think about movies like “Grown-ups” and “Couple’s Retreat” where overweight men are portrayed as married to anatomically perfect women.”
      I recently watched Couples Retreat and one fat guy in the movie was portrayed as inactive, not wanting to do anything, and unable to keep up with the girlfriend he was there with. And if I’m not mistaken the fat guy in Grown-Ups is being played by Kevin James, who I find to be one of the first people reach for when trying to prove that fat guys aren’t shamed. And if it wasn’t for the fact that Kevin weren’t the epitome of “its okay for him to be fat because he’s funny” I might agree with them. Yeah its okay for guys to be fat as long as they are some combination of funny, stupid, athletic, mindlessly angry, pathetic virgins trying to get laid, or some manner of outcast.

      But keep on listing that other stuff because not like I ever tried to say that women are not oppressed or something.

    • femspotter says:

      Jon Favreau and Vince Vaughn are not nearly as svelt as their wives and fit the bill for this comparison.

    • femspotter says:

      Also, I think if actors like Adam Sandler and Jonah Hill and Seth Rogan were women they wouldn’t be acceptable movie stars. There’s a double standard at play.

    • Danny says:

      Again what types of movies and characters do those three almost exclusively play?

      You keep trying to pass off this idea that men have some sort of cakewalking free ride when its simply not the case.

    • femspotter says:

      They also write and produce their movies in some cases. Do you think they’re oppressing themselves?

      Your assessment that Adam Sandler, Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill are oppressed actors is laughable at best. Are you kidding? They haven’t faced anywhere near the level of public scrutiny as actresses America Ferrera, Gabby Sidibe, Kirstey Alley, etc. to name a few (two of those comic actresses). These men and their bodies are culturally valid.

    • Danny says:

      “They also write and produce their movies in some cases. Do you think they’re oppressing themselves?”
      So I take it that women that agree to be in photo shoots that get photoshopped until they are almost unreal are oppressing themselves too right?

      “Your assessment that Adam Sandler, Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill are oppressed actors is laughable at best. Are you kidding? They haven’t faced anywhere near the level of public scrutiny as actresses America Ferrera, Gabby Sidibe, Kirstey Alley, etc. to name a few (two of those comic actresses). These men and their bodies are culturally valid.”
      And there you go again. I mention some way in men have it bad and you respond with “but women have it worse!!!” I’m just glad you haven’t accused me of Oppression Olympics yet. Hell you can say that “hot and sexy women” are culturally valid but that doesn’t mean they aren’t treated unfairly. It would be like me saying that Brittney Spears is an example of an acceptable woman that has never been done wrong by media, commentators, etc…

      Thing is as long as you “play your role” you’re acceptable. Mess around and try to break from that role and you risk being destroyed. And this applies to men and women. The roles are different but they and the risk are there.

    • Danny says:

      And what type of acting is the majority of their work? Comedy.

      Like I said its “okay” for a guy to be fat as long as he exists in a narrow spectrum.

    • femspotter says:

      Sorry you feel that chubby men are boxed into comedy, but they always seem to get the skinny, hot chick in the end don’t they?

    • Danny says:

      It usually ends that way because the hot chick spent 2 hours brushing him off only to later find out what a great guy he is.

      But if you want to play it like that then I suppose you don’t have a problem with the hot chick that gets what she wants in the end right? There’s nothing offensive or limiting about the way she is made out to be because she’s hot and gets what she wants right? I mean why be angry about “Sex and City” like women on tv when they are so sexy, hawt, and empowered right?

    • femspotter says:

      I don’t understand your statement here.

    • femspotter says:

      “But if you want to play it like that then I suppose you don’t have a problem with the hot chick that gets what she wants in the end right? There’s nothing offensive or limiting about the way she is made out to be because she’s hot and gets what she wants right? I mean why be angry about “Sex and City” like women on tv when they are so sexy, hawt, and empowered right?”

      Sorry. I don’t understand this statement. What about Sex and the City should I be angry about? I’m angry that in the new film, they demonstrate how grotesque Americans can be when traveling abroad. What about hot chicks in movies?

    • Danny says:

      Fine. You’ve been talking dismissive nonsense for so long on this post I was bound to misunderstand you at some point.

      And actually I was talking about the entire franchise not just the new movie in which I’ve seen feminists go back and forth over whether those women are really empowered or not.

    • femspotter says:

      Russell Crowe has been “fat” and starred in movies of the action and dramatic varieties.

    • Danny says:

      Like you said “has been”. He’s all rugged and sexy now.

    • femspotter says:

      Denzel Washington, John Travolta and Laurence Fishburne are looking a bit thick too.

    • Danny says:

      You really really trying to put the likes of Travolta and Washington against Jonah Hill, Anthony Anderson, and Kevin James?

    • Jim says:

      Women get away with rape in basically 100% of cases, and if the victim is adolescent he is generally told to feel lucky about it, sometimes on national television. Ask Toy Soldier and James Landrith.

    • femspotter says:

      Yes, that is a problem. It’s not a problem on the global scale of male on female or even male on male rape, however. It should not be taken lightly. I happen to believe that we do live in a rape culture.

    • Danny says:

      Problem is it is taken lightly and just like feminist who spout off about how many rapes of women go unreported I’d like to know how many rapes of men go unreported.

      I don’t think it helps that the very first thing feminists reach for is “its bad but it doesn’t happen as often….”. Kinda like a non-apology apology.

    • femspotter says:

      Well, it depends on whether or not you’re talking about statutory rape or violent rape. In most cases men are doing the raping of victims of either sex when it comes to violence.

      With regard to your earlier comment lamenting our culture’s tendency to champion female on male rapes, think about what it must have felt like for that girl in San Francisco who was gang raped by 20 boys for 2.5 hours while they all cheered each other on last Oct. Then sing your sob song about how men are horribly sexually victimized by women. (Sorry to sound pissed off but if our oppressors think life sucks the big one then what have women to aspire to?)

    • Melissa says:

      I can’t believe I’m defending the non-feminist in this situation, but…I really don’t think we have (or anyone has) any business trying to come up with a hierarchy of rapes.
      Rape is horrible and inexcusable. Period.
      Yes, women are far less likely to rape, and I totally understand the impulse to emphasize this fact when the conversation’s about non victim-blamey rape prevention, as well as the roles that patriarchy and male privilege play in the whole situation. However, none of that makes it ok to downplay rapes with male victims and/or with female perpetrators. These exist and are every bit as real and as horrible as other rapes.
      If this were turning into a “but women rape toooooooo so therefore you’re all raging feminazis” kind of conversation, then you would really have a point here. But I really don’t think that’s where Danny’s coming from in this case. (Correct me if I’m wrong–sorry to speak for ya)

    • femspotter says:

      Melissa, I am not downplaying any kind of rape. I feel that Danny is downplaying female victimology in our rape culture by suggesting that our culture only publicly endorses female on male rape.
      “Women get away with rape in basically 100% of cases, and if the victim is adolescent he is generally told to feel lucky about it, sometimes on national television.”
      How many times have we heard the expression “She was asking for it!”?

      And btw, men get away with rape in “basically 100% of cases.” That means for a much larger pool of female rape victims globally.

    • Danny says:

      That’s pretty much it. I’m not the one trying to argue over who has it worse or trying to use numbers to justify dismissing people.

    • femspotter says:

      I’m not dismissing anybody. You’re the one who wrote that female on male rape is celebrated and I am merely pointing out that men celebrate male on female rape too.

    • Jim says:

      Not dismissing anybody?

      This:

      “Well, it depends on whether or not you’re talking about statutory rape or violent rape.”

      Is exactly what Whoopi Gopldberg was saying in her disgusting “rape and rape-rape” comment.

      It’s dismissal.

    • femspotter says:

      I don’t dismiss any kind of rape, but there is a difference between a 19 year-old of either sex sleeping with a 15 year-old of either sex consensually and a victim being physically overcome. Are you denying this? Should we tell people who get dicks or broomsticks (for instance) shoved in their private parts that they’re no worse off then consenting teens?

    • Danny says:

      When did I say it wasn’t? I’m being serious here its been a rough week (and now after working 8 hours I have to go back in for 4-6 more later tonight).

    • Danny says:

      “With regard to your earlier comment lamenting our culture’s tendency to champion female on male rapes, think about what it must have felt like for that girl in San Francisco who was gang raped by 20 boys for 2.5 hours while they all cheered each other on last Oct. Then sing your sob song about how men are horribly sexually victimized by women.”
      I’ll sing it as soon as you show me where I said women don’t have a tough lot in life when it comes to rape.

      “(Sorry to sound pissed off but if our oppressors think life sucks the big one then what have women to aspire to?)”
      I’m an oppressor now? That’s the problem right there you see man and you go straight to oppressor. We’ll all be better off as soon as you quit thinking man = oppressor.

    • femspotter says:

      Sorry, Danny, but for a feminist discussion you are a member of “the patriarchy,” an historically privileged class of men. While I wouldn’t consider you MY enemy unless you engaged in rape or another form of domination, for this discussion I have to draw lines between the sexes for clarity sake. So if the male collective feels that they are being oppressed, then women have nowhere up to go, do we?

    • Jim says:

      “but for a feminist discussion you are a member of “the patriarchy,”

      Whereas for an general unlabeled analysis that will actually yield some insight into real injustice you have to admit how much you benefit from the power structure as it really exists – it’s called checking your privilege – whatever name you give it, and if constructs like “the patriarchy” interfere with that analysis, you should set them to the side for the moment.

      When the Patriarchy routinely sends its men off on risky imperialist military adventures that directly benifit its women, has lynched male rapists but not female rapists, routinely incarcerates males at greater rates with harsher sentences than women for the same crimes
      http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/05/100525090554.htm
      http://www.terry.uga.edu/~mustard/sentencing.pdf, does most medical research on male prisoners but puts more resources into female-specific diseases, routinley enslaves and exploits men of other ethnicities and classes to labor for its own women, it really is time to broaden the discussion beyond the constraints of feminist or any other niche of analysis if you want to get a clear and worthwhile picute of the actual situation.

      Because this is where Feminism parts company with the Marxism whose analysis it ripped off – it really has always been about class exploitation – rich men and women exploiting poor men and women, and gender just flovors those inequalities without changing them in any significant way.

    • femspotter says:

      I didn’t realize we are talking about any of the examples you just cited beyond rape…but now that you mention it, it would be great if breast cancer received as much scientific attention as erectile dysfunction without the myriad marches.

      And anyway, it seems that you have issues with the patriarchy too, so I don’t get your beef with me. And btw, you have no provided answers to some of my other questions such as qualifying your experiences as you instructed I do or where you get this information that women are the bride-burners in India.

    • femspotter says:

      Read through your first link. Interesting. Yes, the next time I find myself in court, I’ll “check my privilege.” But know this: I don’t want that privilege. I don’t want to take away rights or harm men or have men be judged more harshly than me because of my sex. What seems to escape you are the instances in the reverse.

      So, Jim, you would like for me to agree that men have it worse than women in the United States? Am I correct with this assessment of your arguments?

    • Jim says:

      I have huge beef with the patriarchy. I have huge beef with feminist analysis. Thise tow are not mutually exclusive.

      Mother-in-laws burning – drwoning, acid-splashing, otherwise killing – brides have been reported in variou newspapers through the years. As the Indian saying goes “Mother is God” at leasst in the house. The minute she steps outside, the power differential reverses and comes crashing down. Thus the reports in the same papers over the years about women beaten for going into bars in South India, couples beaten for holding hands in public, etc . and the widely reported abuse women experience in the street in general there.

      “And btw, you have no provided answers to some of my other questions such as qualifying your experiences as you instructed I do ”

      I’m sorry; I missed that and you are entitled to the same kind of answers I ask of you. I don’t recall now what I asked. Clue me up and we’ll proceed.

      BTW, some of your posts don’t have reply buttons. What’s up – a software bug?

      On the comparative suffering – I don’t think it matters. I think however the discourse on comparative suffering matters as it informs policy and law. And it does, and always has, and typically to the harm of men. I am quite familiar with the social and legal harms to women that obtained in the past, I recognize them, and I am glad that they have been done away with. Where they remain, as in the Lily Ledbetter case, they still need to eb dione away with. I don’t see what that has to do with recognizing the harms to men, unless to theoretical model is a finite amount of compassion and will to correct injustices that we have to fight over in some arrested development version of sibling rivalry.

    • Danny says:

      And that is one of the failings of feminism (or at least those who practice such line drawing). Drawing lines by gender and instantly declaring that those on one side (men) have an easy cake walk life and those on the other (women) are down trodden and oppressed. Its not that easy.

      “So if the male collective feels that they are being oppressed, then women have nowhere up to go, do we?”
      That’s my point. There is more to fixing the gender roles as they are now they just helping women. Certainly a part of it but not all of it.

    • FemSpotter,

      I was drugged and raped for hours by a woman who knew I would never report and who blackmailed me into silence. So, should I sing my “sob song about how men are horribly sexually victimized by women”?

      WHY DO I HAVE TO DO SUCH A THING?

      WHY MUST I COMPARE MY RAPE TO ANYONE ELSE’S?

      This is such a horrible and inexcusable thing for you to say.

      I was raped. It is not a “sob song” as you condescendingly and digustingly described it. It is a horrible, violent and inexcusable crime and your callous, mocking secondary wounding is unfathomable.

      I can possibly express how disgusted and angry I am at those hateful, vile and poisonous words.

    • femspotter says:

      FFS – I was speaking collectively, JL. I do not discount anyone’s suffering. Read me again. All rape is a bad thing.

    • I did read you again before I posted. I saw where you said that it “was not a problem to be taken lightly.”

      However, the “sob song” comment and very clear call for comparison of rape experiences are unnecessary and minimizing. People are not raped collectively, but individually and should be treated as individual survivors, not pawns in a gender politics chess match. Such callous remarks that do indeed promote hierarchies of survivorhood based on the gender of the attacker seem to discount those of us who don’t fit into the “norm” (as there was anything normal about being a rape survivor) of survivors.

      Rape is such an individual experience and collectivizing comments do little to help the individual survivors and much harm in the way of secondary wounding and misunderstanding.

      FFS, indeed.

      I say this not only as an individual rape survivor, but also a member of the RAINN Speakers Bureau and a moderator for a high-profile mixed-gender survivor forum.

      You said in a later comment on this entry that you wanted to hear from a male rape survivor.

      Wish granted.

      Do you have any questions?

    • femspotter says:

      “Sob song” = men collectively have it as bad as women. Men raping women is systemic, resulting from a longtime “women are inferior” subjegation by the patriarchy. Your experience is unique and certainly related to this discussion, but collective analysis is what informs laws. As a RAINN affiliate, I would expect you to understand this being that your organization uses statistics, which are informed by collective experience, in its activism. Thanks for your eloquence. I have read your blog. Perhaps you could extend me the same courtesy before you brand me a hate monger.

    • FemSpotter,

      Collective analysis may “inform” laws to some extent, but they are still enforced on an individualbasis – victim by victim and criminal by criminal – not collectively, which is why you now see women also serving time for rapes against men and children, when they are actually charged at all. I am aware of statistics and that RAINN has statistics in some of their materials as well. One thing they don’t do and have never done is minimize the experiences of male survivors or tell them to compare themselves to that of female survivors based on statistics.

      Your words, whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, were callous and minimizing.

      Perhaps you just can’t see how they look from the perspective of someone raped and abused by a woman. Or maybe you could care less, given your sarcastic language in your first response to me.

    • femspotter says:

      My words according to you…

    • Clarence says:

      1:Get away with rape in 94 percent of cases.
      As someone who has studied this issue for years I can tell you with conviction that no one knows the number of unreported rapes, the number of false rape accusations, nor the number of rapes that really happened but don’t result in conviction, nor the ones that didn’t happen, but do. Therefore, your first assertion is meaningless, though I commonly see this number or even higher ones cited both here and in the UK.
      2. Dominate 83 percent of leadership positions in the 3 US branches of Government.
      Simplistic analysis. One can be a “public face” leader. The real question is: who has more organized sexual representation for their sexes interests in the US government? Try to tell me it’s men , I’ll ask you to point me to federal laws, monies, positions, departments, or caucuses that deal only with men’s issues to the exclusion of women. When you can’t, I’ll laugh at you.

      I should also point out that women control the majority of individual stock wealth in the US. I thought money implied power?

      3. Be slightly overweight without shame.
      In some circumstances. In others it doesn’t matter.

    • femspotter says:

      I have seen the light!

    • Clarence says:

      Did someone hit you on the back of your head?
      That’s the only way I’d suspect a blind ideologue like you could see any light.

    • femspotter says:

      Yup! Someone hit me in the head. I then proceeded to make a Pop song about it with Eminem.

  3. ballgame says:

    we can wear … ear, and nose hair as proudly and loudly as we like.

    I don’t think this is true. Maybe the “eww gross!!” line is a little less rigid for men in this area but it’s still there.

    As for the professional sports thing, the only time I’ve watched tennis, volleyball, or soccer over the past couple of years is when women were playing. Now with tennis and volleyball there’s definitely an element of finding women’s bodies more appealing to watch than men’s, but I don’t think that was nearly as true with women’s soccer (admittedly this was just during the Mia Hamm era) … it’s not like there was a lot of skin involved. I generally find soccer a colossal bore to watch,* but for some reason found watching the women’s games during that era fascinating to watch. I’m tempted to say it was a “Go USA!” thing, but frankly I still don’t have the slightest interest in men’s soccer, Go USA! or no.

    * I readily concede this is partially a socialization thing. I can’t imagine someone not from the US watching baseball for the first time and not being bored to tears.

  4. Melissa says:

    Wow.

    I’m just gonna basically echo what you said in the title…who WRITES this shit????

  5. Jim says:

    “No.7 – Navigate spatially”

    Bogus. It’s very individual – maybe there are slightly more men than women, but it still may not amount to much statistically. I am drawing on experiences over many years with having to learn and teach land navigation. The only person I knew who absolutely could not learn to do it happened to be male.

    “No.6 – Shave our heads”
    Sinead O’Connor looked great with her head shaved. Demi Moore did it once and it looked good on her. If you have a well-shped head it’s going to look good. simple as that.

    “Full bladder, but there’s a line for the urinal? Just step outside and pee behind a dumpster. ‘

    Idiotic. You can squat down just as well behind a dumster. What does this idiot think people did for all those millenia before toilets? In the Middle East men squat too rather than standing up.

    “No.1 – Age well”

    Again…unh. Since basically no one is worth looking at before the age of 50, I don’t know where this one is going. I can think of so many womnen who look beter with some age on them than they did while young. Hillary Clinton comes to mind – or maybe just that she looks truly happy at long last in her job. Hard to tell. In any case, the years have been really generous to her.

  6. April says:

    I love shaved heads on women. I’ve overcome that particular gender-based expectation. This publication clearly has not.

  7. femspotter says:

    Danny and Jim, here’s an interesting article on paternity in Sweden. I’d love it if the U.S. got on board with these European countries that value fatherhood so highly. I’m sorry that you feel motherhood is glorified and fatherhood demonized in our culture. As a mom-to-be, I don’t see it that way and I feel shit on daily by Western medicine and by men (fathers included).

    “Society is a mirror of the family,” Mr. Westerberg said. “The only way to achieve equality in society is to achieve equality in the home. Getting fathers to share the parental leave is an essential part of that.”

    I completely agree with that statement. Then maybe we could learn to value stay-at-home care so “housewives” AND stay-at-home dads (I know two) wouldn’t have to feel like lesser human beings because they can’t measure their worth by the size of a paycheck. One of the reasons I will continue to work after giving birth is because of this pressure. My job, however, is not protected and can be downsized during my leave. I am entitled to six weeks of “disability” only with partial pay. But, sincerely, I am sorry that you feel fatherhood is under attack. It shouldn’t be that way.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/10/world/europe/10iht-sweden.html?scp=2&sq=sweden&st=cse

    • Danny says:

      Okay while I appreciate your sentiments (I saw that article on paternity leave yesterday but lost the link so thanks for sharing) what is getting to me is that you keep saying that, despite hard proof, the likes of Jim and I “feel” that fatherhood is demonized and treat us like we’re making that shit up.

    • femspotter says:

      No I don’t. Read it all back.

    • femspotter says:

      I wouldn’t bother to post these paternity articles (see the piece in the other thread about lost paternal rights) if I didn’t agree with you that it’s a problem.

      Here’s where we’re at: you say men suffer, I point out that women suffer in each arena we’re discussing more; you say but men suffer as fat-shamed comedy actors, minority rape victims, etc.; I say boohoo Adam Sandler and Jonah Hill are making a lot of money and male on female rape is globally rampant…and on and on…

      How do we come up with a happy consensus? Would you like for me to give up my feminism and say that it’s just as bad for men in this world as it is for women? I can’t do that. That doesn’t mean I don’t believe things are always hunky dory for men. I don’t believe that. But, again, as a feminist blogger, I see it as my job to point out female oppression. And as a queer theorist, I think that the best way to equalize the sexes is to give up the gender assumption that men corresponds with masculine, female with feminine. Ergo, a discussion where we talk about how many movies validate conventional unattractiveness in men (i.e. not masculine=fit, strong, aggressive) but uphold how conventional attractiveness (femininity) is necessary for women is relevant. Making it clear that weakness and victimhood (feminine gender) are lauded in women in a rape culture is relevant. I don’t negate any of the problems individual men have; but as a collective, men have advantages over women. If I didn’t believe that, I never would have “met” April online or found her blog or had her read mine or found this discussion…and then the discussion would seem to be a rant of how sad it is to be a man in this day and age. If that’s what you want it to be, clearly state so up front if you will. I’ll fuck off!

    • Jim says:

      “And as a queer theorist, I think that the best way to equalize the sexes is to give up the gender assumption that men corresponds with masculine, ”

      As a gay man, I understand how others will theorize about me, but I don’t have to appreciate it if they feel entitled to use my life for grist for thier theoretical mills. I am as much a man as any straight guy, and I am as masculine too; I don’t see any dichotomy and I do not cede to straight men and especially, especially! not to straight women any right whatsoever to define either my manhood or my masculinity or anything else pertaining to me. Especially when it comes from women I have never experienced it as anything other than selfish and self-serving manipulation – the Real Man arrogant fallacy.

      Men have clear advantages in many areas of life. Women do too, often to the harm of men; that’s all we are saying, and it would serves feminism’s credibility in the general public very, very well if feminists acknowledged these. It would do immense good for their credibility.

    • femspotter says:

      I appreciate this statement immensely. I hope you recognize that not all feminists or our theories are the same. I hope you aren’t implying that I made any kind of homophobic statement herein or elsewhere. I am one who would like to do away with gender entirely. I am a somewhat masculine female, aggressive as I am, and I don’t take kindly to being told that’s wrong.

      And I come back again to point out that I have made no attempts to deny the harms of men unless I truly don’t see evidence of them. In fact, I have been one bringing evidence.

      Just please be careful not to negate the suffering of women on a global scale.

    • Jim says:

      Sorry, couldn’t let this pass:

      “Just please be careful not to negate the suffering of women on a global scale.”

      Don’t get me started. I just read through “When God was A Woman” – I know, 35 years late, but anyway – and despite some really disabling structural flaws in Stone’s argumentation as an artist she is not equipped to do anything but art history, and she should never, never go near etymology – her central thesis is undebateable – the Abrhamic Tradition has done immeasurable harm to women and continues ot do it.that does not clear Classical civiilzation and its inheritors of their own guilt. In Christianity that makes for a real whirlpool of evil. I am not going to waste your time telling you what you already know, but let me say just that I am well aware of the gendered evil women contend with in the world.

    • femspotter says:

      “Men have clear advantages in many areas of life. Women do too, often to the harm of men…”

      Also, I found it really offensive that you said our primary advantage is between our legs toward the beginning of the discussion on the other thread. That’s really a cruel thing to say to a woman who has always relied on her intelligence and hard work and never her sexuality. I have been hurt by women who can and do use sexuality. I would never endorse that kind of behavior.

    • Jim says:

      I am aware of the harsheness of that comment and I honor the strength of charcter you have shown in your insistncen on making an honest living. In fact that commnet points up one of the hurdles you had to overcome. You were competing against women who were always quite willing to us ethat advantage.

      So I understand the hurt you feel, and I risked being offensive because it’s the truth in the mechanics of gender in a male-dominated society, and I also want you to know how that comment actually honors you.

      i am basing this on a career of watching womenn integrate into the (US) Army. It has taken two full generations, three by now, for femlae soldiers ot beat down the “pussy-hound” and “Daddy’s Littel GIrl” protectiveness of male superiors, and it has only ahppened because women got into positions of authority. That is the only thing that ever makes any difference in that setting.

    • Jim says:

      You would never endorse that kind of behavior, but you have had to contend with it and compete aginst it. That’s what I mean.

    • femspotter says:

      Oh, I read your comment here again, Jim. I am wondering if you think “queer theory” means I have theories about homosexuals, which is why you wrote “As a gay man, I understand how others will theorize about me, but I don’t have to appreciate it if they feel entitled to use my life for grist for thier theoretical mills.” That’s not what queer theory is about or is used for. It’s a look at sex vs. gender and how the two don’t neatly correspond and has nothing to do with “queer” behaviors. It’s what I based my master’s degree studies in toward the end of my studies. I don’t have theories about homosexuality, if that’s what you think I’m doing.

    • Jim says:

      I certainly didn’t mean that queer theory was some kind of equivlane tof right-wing crap.

    • Danny says:

      “Would you like for me to give up my feminism and say that it’s just as bad for men in this world as it is for women? I can’t do that.”
      And I don’t want you to. 1. The problem isn’t the label but the thoughts behind it. 2. I never said that men have it just as bad. In fact you’re the only one pushing the “who has it worse angle” here.

      “I don’t believe that. But, again, as a feminist blogger, I see it as my job to point out female oppression.”
      Keep it up because its not like I said female oppression doesn’t exist and the only way to fix the world is to help everyone, not just certain groups while ignoring others.

      “I don’t negate any of the problems individual men have; but as a collective, men have advantages over women.”
      Fine but what I’m saying is that you can’t just look at the collective picture and ignore individual snapshots that don’t match it. And also there needs to be a better look at what is individual and what is collective because its seems that in regards to gender people like to just instantly say that if its against women its systematic and if it against men its individual. That’s not the case.

      “If that’s what you want it to be, clearly state so up front if you will. I’ll fuck off!”
      Oh no its not like that. In all my time blogging (nearing 2 years soon) I have met only only one person I would actually tell to fuck off (FYI if you feel like it she’s in my last post “Gender and Genitals”).

      But. I made a statement of how bad men have it and you counter with “but women have it worse”. If I had done to a post you wrote for, let’s say Feministing, tell me with a straight face you wouldn’t have gone nuclear on me. And even you didn’t most of the other people there would.

    • femspotter says:

      “But. I made a statement of how bad men have it and you counter with “but women have it worse”. If I had done to a post you wrote for, let’s say Feministing, tell me with a straight face you wouldn’t have gone nuclear on me. And even you didn’t most of the other people there would.”

      I would just laugh at you unless you were presenting a situation where men actually do have it worse off then women. I’ve been thinking half the stuff you’ve been writing is a joke…like how I should pity poor millionaire movie star men who are “forced” into doing comedies only because they are chubby (that’s just not accurate). Honestly, I’m exhausted too by contending here with what I consider MRA bullshit and being told I’m dismissing male problems even when I keep bringing evidence of them to the floor. I’d like to hear from a man with any one of these actual problems. I began by speaking for my own experience as a pregnant woman. It would be illuminating to hear from an actual male rape victim or pushed aside “good” dad.

    • Danny says:

      Well speaking as an actual chubby guy let me tell that being a fat guy is not the damn cake walk you’re trying to tell me it is. I never said that men have it worse than women I just said its not that easy being a fat guy, well unless of course you happen to like the ways you get stereotyped. And if that is the cause I hope you give up going on about how all those millionaire actresses have it so much worse.

      If you want to read up on male rape victims go check Toy Soldier. If you want to read on good dads pushed aside I have a few posts at my own blog about them.

      But chances are you’ll still try to twist them into the women of those situations being the real victims and write those men off as privilged whiners. Or just laugh and claim they don’t exist.

    • femspotter says:

      I wrote “slightly overweight” originally. READ!

    • Jim says:

      I love it that motherhood is glorified. I don’t like it when that glorification turns into social pressure on women to become mothers, but I think mothers deserve every bit of outright adoration they get.

      I wish to God that people’s lives and persons were valued in our economic system. You job situation is the norm and it sucks. Sucks. six weeks. That is

      fatherhood is ignored in the job market and denied in the family coourt system and in various other laws as they touch family life. We can all work on that.

      I also recognize how the ignoring of fatherhood benefits men in the job market and harms women. No one keeps a promotion from a man because his wife may get pregmant someday. And doing that to a woman harms her stay at home husband. This is an example of how gender analysis is very simply the wrong tool for the job when the job is analysis of situations that exhibit circularity between genders.

      In the adult world men and women are not boys and girls each playing with only thier own gender peers, thinking each other has “cooties”, on opposite sides of the plauground. Every harm to a man hurts some women and vice versa.

  8. femspotter says:

    By the way, Danny, you started it, in case you’re wondering. I made a comment on this thread critiquing the list and you told me my number 3 is bullshit and it snowballed from there. So stop accusing me of trying to one-up women’s issues over men’s issues. In actuality, it’s the reverse in this thread.

  9. April says:

    BTW, some of your posts don’t have reply buttons. What’s up – a software bug?

    Threaded comments can now only go 5 deep, so that they’re actually readable. FYI. (That’s also why you won’t see a “reply” button on the 5th comment, so you’ll have to just start a new thread.)

  10. FemSpotter said, “My words according to you…”

    Hmm, it seems you lack the ability to tell the difference between an observation and a direct quote. Interesting, but I understand. If I’d said something so ridiculous and callous to rape survivors of any gender, I’d probably have little of substance to say in response as well.

    Best to keep one’s head down and deny the truth. Maybe it will go away…

  11. For male survivors who want real support (not being told that compared to women, their experiences are a “sob song” or condescended to by an immature critic who makes cutesy, troll-like retorts to serious comments), the following are some options to consider:

    Male-centric organizations for those in need of such:

    http://www.1in6.org/

    http://www.malesurvivor.org/

    • femspotter says:

      Mr. Landrith, it is pointless to respond to you seriously. You know nothing about me and have made huge assumptions and posted insults based on your reading of just one thing I wrote, claiming that it was directed at male rape survivors when it was actually directed at one person herein who is not a rape survivor. A mature poster “would not be so quick to take offense but would try to understand another’s comments and perhaps try and change his or her mind with dignity. In insulting me DIRECTLY, and as a representative of RAINN, you have run the risk of really damaging my relationship with a support network. Now, I am sorry you are offended by my words, though I stand by them. Please stop intentionally insulting me for there is no malicious intent on my end.

    • FemSpotter:

      Now that was an actual, serious response. No “FFS” or cutesy condescension.

      Now then, insults? No. Justified and angry observations to which you responded with sarcasm, deflection, and childish retorts. You then claimed I called you a monster simply by taking offense at your clearly offensive words. If you feel like a monster that is one thing, but calling out your offensive comments is quite another.

      Your comments were callous and did indeed collectivize and minimize male survivors. The fact that you do not comprehend this is not an insult from me but more an issue that you must grapple with individually. The fact that you were speaking to a non-survivor does not excuse the collectivizing, mocking language and minimization that your comments clearly project onto male survivors.

      As far as your threat regarding your relationship with a support network goes, that reveals far more about you than it could ever about me.

      You may not wish to acknowledge it, but the “sob-song” comment and very clear attempt to promote a hierarchy of survivorhood based on the gender of survivor and perpetrator was offensive on a level you simply fail to grasp.

      I stand by my words as well.

    • femspotter says:

      My first comment to you was not sarcastic. I don’t know where you got that from. Again, I cone back to it being impossible to have a serious discussion with you. You misrepresent me and hone in on two words if mine rather than acknowledging other areas if my expressed concern. With regard to RAINN, I no longer consider it a responsible organization because of your cruelty. There’s nothing I cam say that will help you to see me as anything other than your enemy. The reality could not be farther from the truth.

      PS You might want to look up the word gender. It means something entirely different than sex.

    • As a journalist, you ought to be able to see the importance of those words and the nasty context in which they were used.

      You say it is impossible to have a discussion with me, yet we are doing so now. As far as your support of RAINN goes, I am not trying to persuade you of anything. It seems as if you are attempting to make it seem that way out of some desperate need to deny me something. RAINN has plenty of support and legitimization regardless of whether a blogger who calls herself FemSpotter has their back or not. I’m not begging, persuading or otherwise attempting to swing you to their direction, nor is it really of consequence in the long or short term.

      With regard to the use of gender vs. sex, I do understand your point. In the end it depends on which type of dictionary or authority to which you subscribe. Some, such as American Heritage (Stedman’s Medical Dictionary) define gender using reproductive anatomy OR sexual identity, although I understand your point.

      With regard to cruelty, I have to point once again to the collectivization of male rape survivors and the use of callous and insensitive language.

  12. Mixed-Gender survivor organizations/forums for those interested in healing with female survivors:

    Pandora’s Aquarium: For Male Survivors of Rape & Sexual Abuse: http://www.pandys.org/malesurvivors.html
    (Disclosure: I am a moderator here, so my inclusion of this link is not entirely unbiased.)

    After Silence: Male Survivors: http://www.aftersilence.org/male-survivors.php

    Additional research links:

    Hope for Healing: Male Rape: http://www.hopeforhealing.org/male.html

    National Center for Victims of Crime – Male Rape: http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbName=DocumentViewer&DocumentID=32361

    A few podcast interviews I’ve participated in on the topic:

    Hope for Healing Interview: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/voicesofhope/2009/12/08/james-landrith-on-voices-of-hope-1

    Courage Network Interview: http://www.couragenetwork.com/videos/view/interview-w-james-landrith-sexual-assault-advocate-_287.html

  13. femspotter says:

    JL, I am not talking about my supporting RAINN, I am talking about no longer going to RAINN for support since its representative has called me immature, childish, etc.

    Once again, I used the term sob song to respond to what I perceived was a statement that the male collective has it worse when it comes to rape. I don’t agree for many reasons not the least of which is the pervasiveness of male on female rape and the sometimes resulting pregnancies. So, I called the “men have it worse” argument a “sob song.” months later, you arrived on the scene and decided that I am a horrible person who discounts individual experience. This is not true. It infuriates me. I try to explain myself yet over and over again you accuse me of being callous and insensitive to male rape survivors. I am not one of those so-called feminists who does not believe that men can be raped.

    • FemSpotter, Melissa also called you out for it and quite strongly. It was a calloused thing to say and you were indeed promoting a hierarchy of survivorhood, whether you realized it or not.

      I know you believe that because you were making a point you feel strongly about that the use of such minimizing language is okay, but I assure it is not indicative of support and understanding in the slightest. I do understand the point you were attempting to make but the delivery was offensive and failed as a result.

      As far going to RAINN for support, that is your choice. Of course, as I am sure you are aware they connect survivors with local support groups that are not operated or part of RAINN, rather than actually providing the support themselves. Or perhaps you did not realize that? Many people have no idea that their national hotline is actually a switchboard connecting survivors to local, independent support organizations. This is a common error.

    • femspotter says:

      Hear me: I was responding to minimizing language. I responded to Melissa and she was obviously satisfied with my explanation. It doesn’t matter what I say; you are resolute, which is exactly why this has never been a two-way discussion. You ate saying it’s okay for Danny to promote a hierarchy but not me. And you accuse me of attacking individual experience whether I realize it or not… You also accuse me of being condescending yet you are the one who thinks you know more about what I really mean than I do. You lecture me about RAINN. You assume I am ignorant. You are very condescending. There is nothing I can say. Or is there? Why don’t you tell what I should write that will make you happy and I’ll write it.

    • Actually Danny was not promoting a hierarchy, merely pointing out a disparity and disturbing double standard. There is a gigantic world of difference between the two.

      Try again.

    • femspotter says:

      As I clearly stated: that was MY PERCEPTION!!!

  14. femspotter says:

    I have lost confidence in RAINN stats.

    • Clarence says:

      Since presumably your argument with James Landrith has nothing to do with how these statistics are collected, it would be interesting to know why. As far as I can tell from a limited perusal of them, they seem to use pretty much the same stats and surveys as most other sexual assault organizations, which would normally make me more critical of them then you would normally be.

    • femspotter says:

      I just feel completely alone. I don’t want to receive support or information from an organization that would align with someone so hateful…it seems to me that, and indeed most of the rape victim advocates I work with, are nurturing. It’s just like trying to find kinship with some radical feminist circles. I fail at that too. I don’t know…maybe this is new mommyhood taking its toll through sleep deprivation, but I am really frustrated here…tired of defending myself to a brick wall. Thanks for letting me vent. Funny to respond like this to an MRA who thinks women are the real masters of the universe.

    • It is fascinating that when FemSpotter is confronted with someone who disagrees strongly, and refuses to cower in a corner she immediately runs to fly the victim flag. No one has victimized her here, but I’ve no doubt that my maleness plays a role. If I were a woman saying the same things, it would be interesting to see how she reacted.

      Would the same arrogant dismissiveness have been present? The condescension? Hmmm.

      I’m guessing that she is not used to it, given the cavalier manner she defended her offensive words earlier. Well, this male rape survivor is not going to run and hide just because someone is attempting to use emotional blackmail to silence a viewpoint they would rather ignore.

      Admitting what she said was offensive and minimizing (as more than one person called her out for) would go a long way toward proving that she is someone worthy of trust and not someone to view with skepticism and wariness.

    • Perception? What Danny said was very clear and obvious. You’d have to stretch credibility to claim it was about creating a hierarchy of survivorhood. Again, more than one person has pointed this out plainly.

    • There is a difference between being nurturing in a healing environment and disagreeing with callous secondary wounding on a blog.

      I think that is quite obvious.

  15. femspotter says:

    I am very sorry for any injuries I have done to male rape victims. That was not my intention. I feel terrible. I am sorry to Danny for misunderstanding his argument, which was clear to everyone but me. I am sorry to Melissa for not agreeing with the appearance that I was promoting a rape hierarchy. I am sorry for offending James Labdrith and making him feel like I don’t value his horrible experience. I am sorry for playing the victim card. I try to learn from every experience. I have learned that I am not articulate enough to participate in this discussion.

    • FemSpotter,

      Get some rest and we can chat again someday without all of the strong emotions, anger and hurt feelings. Does that work for you?

      I am genuinely hopeful that something good can come from this conversation. You mentioned being exhausted. I can understand that. This conversation was quite triggering for me. Perhaps you were triggered as well.

      Take care and get some rest. I think we both need it.

  16. femspotter says:

    Thank you, but I am done. I wish I could unsubscribe. I don’t agree with you about it all being clear cut, I think you have behaved very harshly/rigidly with me, but I am nonetheless truly sorry for hurting your feelings so many months ago…and truly scared that my comment may have been read and taken as bigotry for these last months since it’s been up. I am mostly sorry to be perceived as having played a victim card because that was not my intention either and that hurts the true feminist cause.

    • Clarence says:

      femspotter:
      Good luck with your pregnancy.

    • femspotter says:

      Thank you. I had my baby nine weeks ago. 🙂

    • Clarence says:

      femspotter:

      Sorry, misunderstood.
      In any case, I know how it can be with new parents and the sleep patterns being disrupted. As you were the mother, you also had quite a few hormonal changes that your husband didn’t , so that’s probably wreaking havoc on your body and emotions a little bit as well. Knowing you, I can’t believe hubby wouldn’t be helping (you wouldn’t let him get away with not doing so lol) , so therefore the only advice I can give you is that it does get better, esp. after the first year. Hang in there 🙂

    • femspotter says:

      Ha ha…yes my husband is very helpful and without any prompting from me!

  17. Danny says:

    Damn you folks really really know how to light the fires when I’m away. But its good to see that its run its course.

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